Frustrated

I can't believe sometimes, how fortunate I am. One of the things that my poor eyes force me to do, is to be more social. I'm not social by nature and have always been shy. I have often felt awkward at social functions, but I am able to manage my brain enough to force myself into just such functions. If it weren't for my eyes, I don't think I would know nearly as many people. I know I would have less social experience and I'm sure my life is enriched by it.   I link this for a couple reasons.  I need the support of others. After I wrote that last line, I thought, we'll not really. More truthfully, I rely on the support of others. The second is, being more social is a side effect of being more active. I feel the need to say thanks to everyone one around me who consciously considers my well being, sometimes at risk to themselves. I know there have been lots of times that I accepted help very poorly, or where I refused it rudely. I will apologize publicly now for mistreating some of my close friends and family. I feel better now. I just wanted to acknowledge all the people who help me through my days.  Of course, Linda tops the list, but my kids, friends, coworkers and bosses.  These people all kind of share in my vision loss. Even my children's friends keep their eyes open for me.   Linda's brother Mike has been visiting us this last week.  Mike and I have had a pretty good relationship for the 40 something years we have known each other. Our times together are infrequent, but I always enjoy them and like everyone one else near me, he automatically looks out for me.  Thanks to all for everything you do.
  I don't really know if much has changed other than I am older, but I seem to be more and more frustrated lately with my narrow field of view.  I feel like i am spending half my life looking for things. Things like a cup that I know is on the counter right in front of me, or the doorway to the room I am trying to enter.  It's funny, sometimes I can move down the hallway to the washroom, easily in the dark!  When it's dark, I automatically run my knuckles along the wall to know when I get to a door.  I think one of my biggest challenges is because my deep subconscious still remembers being able to see well. That coupled with my still pretty good central vision, combine to fool me into thinking I can see better than I can. This leads to crashes and searching and, frustration.
I'm not looking for any sympathy, I was just hoping that sharing it here will help me to let it go and move on.

"I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy."
Tony Robbins

Love Holij