Apologies

I hope this comes across the way it was intended, but I am not sure I have done a good job of making my point.  I did want to mention one other thing.  I have changed the comment rules so anyone can comment without having to sign into an account.  Just click on the drop down and choose anonymous.

If you can, help me to understand, what is the reasoning behind, or purpose of public apologies to certain groups of people? I just don't get it. Why does the current gov't need to apologize on behalf of me, to First Nations for residential schools?  

Let me be clear, I get just how egregious and outrageous these tools of society were. Some of the things that took place there were very obviously crimes and damaged countless lives.  What I don't get is why anyone thinks that my gov't and by extension, I, am somehow responsible for this horrible atrocity of our collective ancestors?  I feel this way especially in regards to past wars or conflicts of any kind, particularly when the Victor somehow becomes responsible for every ill the conquered suffers forever.  There are lots of other examples of the same thing, this is just the first, simplest I could come up with.  

Here's my thoughts.  How does this apology change anything? It's not even from the same people who committed the original harm, but their descendants.  In effect, I am being asked to apologize for something that is completely foreign to me and my experience about something that happened when I was a baby! Not only was I not involved but all of society at that time was completely different than it is now. Corporal punishment was also common in other schools at that time, it was a different world.  How does this apology help anyone?  I think it's nothing more than theater, both for our manipulative politicians and those who think they have suffered more than most.  I am not saying that all apologies are useless and uncalled for, but what I do think is they are unnecessary, especially for those who feel harmed. They are also pointless when they are delivered by the leader of any group.  When you think about it, an apology is more about absolving the offending party of their sins than helping the offended somehow heal.  Not to mention, an apology is even more meaningless when the offending party continues to engage in the same things they are apologizing for. Case in point, the Catholic Church! I was lucky to escape their abuse, but can't imagine an apology from the Pope would change anything, especially when the abuse and coverups continue.

A bit of clarification may be in order.  Two different points I am trying to make.  1. An apology is completely unnecessary for the offended to forgive, but does more to allow the offender absolution.  2. Apologies by the leader of any group to another group are meaningless and pointless, and again, unnecessary for the offended.  Now I would guess that some people agree more with point 2 than point 1, and I am going to try to be more concise. 

If I unintentionally or carelessly hurt someone and I become aware of this, I will apologize, quite possibly more than once, to ensure proper delivery.  This apology is for MY benefit!  It helps me to feel better about myself and allows me to forgive myself for the mistake that I have made.  If someone unintentionally or carelessly hurts me, an apology does nothing to change the situation for me.  It is already over, and requiring an apology in order to forgive, just exposes my insecurities, and actually draws out the time it takes for me to recover.  To me, if the offender really wants to demonstrate change, a much more meaningful reaction would be for them to act differently under similar situations moving forward.

Let me know what you think.

I have a sort of companion post for this one, but I will save it for another day.

“Apologies are great, but they don't really change anything. You know what does? Action.”

Stella Young

Love Holij

 

 

 

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power
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