Here's a little proof for yesterday's post.

Hello everyone! Most of you that read this will know exactly who I am. I happen to be John's eldest daughter. He had asked me a few weeks ago to write something up so he could post it. I'm not going to lie to you I was, and still to some degree am extremely hesitant to do so. Now, let me explain a bit about why this is, and who I am. I have suffered for a s long as I can remember from both depression and anxiety, more specifically social anxiety. As far as I have come, in regards to finding coping mechanisms, putting myself out there like this is very hard to do. Clearly there's still a lot of work I need to do, but I'm trying. The reason I finally decided to do so is because I want to raise a bit of awareness, and also share some things I have found to be very helpful. Now I don't claim to be some kind of expert, nor do I think there is any one solution for anyone. If anything, I'll sit here give you some ideas, and then tell you that regardless DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU! 

I think I want to start by explaining some stigma around the word depression, and anxiety. Here are some of the many things people assume, and maybe even say to your face when they might not fully understand what it is you're struggling with:

•You have no reason to be depressed, so as far as I'm concerned you're just acting this way to get attention.

•Stop being overdramatic.

•Why are you tired all the time?!

•Just get over it.

•Grow up!

•It's all in your head. (This one makes me laugh a little because it literally is in my head, it's a chemical imbalance IN MY BRAIN!)

Let me tell you right now, I don't care who the hell you are, these are not okay things to say to someone who is struggling. The reality of it is I don't have a whole lot of control, if any, when it comes to when I start to feel depressed. I can really only try to curve my thinking. I don't need some horrible home life, or some traumatic thing to happen to me in order to be depressed, or anxious. Which I have been through something traumatic at a very young age, in case anyone was wondering!! It is a condition in which it is passed down through genes, and just because you may not understand it doesn't mean it's not extremely real. On the outside I seem to be put together, hell I believe I have even fooled some family members to believe I have my shit together. What they don't see is I am terrified to sleep alone almost every night, or even to leave the house.  I can't believe how I've screwed up so many decisions that I have been single for well over 6years, still living with my parents, and my eating had gotten so out of control that I'm over 200lbs. I am almost always beating myself up for even the smallest mistakes. I cry more then your average person, and I try to hide from the world as much as I can. As I still struggle with these exact things I can at least sit here, and say I struggle through them without medication. Please don't take this as I'm saying you shouldn't take medication. Just in my particular case medication actually makes my anxiety worse. Anyways enough about that nonsense. A few years ago I decided I was tired of being in a customer service position that I was miserable in, and there were some very big goals that I had for my future that I wanted to make a reality. Rally what I wanted to do was finally say to the universe FUCK YOU, you've kicked me down enough, I'll make it happen myself. I also started to find some amazing ways to help cope with the every day struggle between me logical brain and my not so logical brain. I wanted to find ways in which I can be working, helping others, but also working on my mental health at the same time. I started with massage therapy, no I'm not a massage therapist, at least not yet anyways. After I graduated I had two big provincial board exams I needed to pass in order to get my license. Unfortunately I failed the one test and will have to retake it in May. I can't even explain how incredibly depressed and anxious I had become since getting those test results back. Once again a struggle between my logical brain, and my not so logical brain. After a couple of hours of crying I made a few emails and sent them out asking for help for the next time I get a chance to take the test. I also started to inquire about some other forms of education that I figured could be my back up if all else fails, but also what would have been in the original plan anyways. This extra education would just become a reality earlier then I had expected, and others would have to wait. Yoga instructor training was next. Yoga has saved my sanity more times then I can count. Not only is it physically challenging, but also a great way to connect to the universe or your spiritual side (if that's what you want to do with the practice). In no way is yoga a religion, but for someone like me who is more pagan/wiccan it's a great way to help learn to meditate.  It's calming, and you're so focused on holding the poses that everything else melts away. Next was Indie Head Massage aka Champissage. I didn't really know what it was until a friend brought it up to me. It has essential oils, it has massage to the head, upper back, shoulders, and face, and it has energy work. I thought massage therapy left you feeling like jelly, I couldn't believe how awesome I felt after an Indie Head Massage. I don't remember the last time I felt so at peace. Of course at the moment I am also working on getting my hot stone therapy certificate. I love the heat, and how it can help you feel relaxed. Are you seeing a trend yet?! 🤓 My coping mechanisms aren't always the best, but they work (most if the time).  Helping others, movement meditation (or just quiet meditation), food (depending on what kind of food it's not a horrible coping mechanism), and having a goal to work towards. Don't get me wrong those are only a couple of the things I do to cope, but it's a start. The thing about coping is you need to figure out what works for you. Taking a hot shower, using an essential oil defuser, taking a walk, or talking to someone. Just know that crazy isn't a bad word, it makes you more interesting. You've got this!! 💛♥️

Love Jessica

"Having two daughters changed my perspective on a lot of things, and I definitely have a newfound respect for women. And I think I finally became a good and real man when I had a daughter."

 Mark Wahlberg

Love Holij