My problem.

Ok, ok, yes maybe it should be plural, but for today I'm only referring to one specific problem of mine.  You may also be wondering, what problem could this guy possibly have, he's in the Caribbean at an all inclusive resort, drinking beer and Irish coffee, and strolling up to the buffet whenever he feels like it.
Well my problem has nothing to do with being here, but being at a place like this actually does make it stand out for me.  We arrived here in the dark, four days ago and this place is completely unfamiliar and filled with hazards.  There are odd steps everywhere. Instead of having three steps when they are required, they have two, then a small landing and then another step.  They have little bridges built over the pools to allow quicker access to other areas, and again, these are quite asymmetrical and as a result much more difficult for me to maneuver.  I do have a white cane which I always take with me when travelling and it is very helpful. Not only does it help tremendously with steps, it does something for me that I despise doing for myself!  When I crash into something or run down a small child, or trip and fall flat on my face, my cane explains to any onlookers or witnesses for me. I no longer look like some drunken idiot who has had a few too many beers and Irish coffee.  Besides my cane, I have also become very good at counting steps and memorizing my surroundings. After four days here, I already have almost every step and hazard programmed into my memory.  This works so well I don't even bother taking my cane with me for regular little trips, unless I know I'm gonna be on my own or travelling further afield of our room and pool etc.  My lovely and talented wife is also the best guide I could possibly ask for, and works incredibly hard at pointing out hazards or anything that she knows may cause me pain. So you see, I have adapted well to my situation. 
My problem however is not that I don't see well!  My biggest problem with all of this can be boiled down to one word.
Control.  I want it, always! As I mentioned, Linda does a wonderful job helping me, but all the while, there is a voice inside my head that keeps saying, I can do this, yes I see that step, yes I already have this strange setup memorized, can't we go a bit faster, or slower, yes I see those people there standing in the way, just go around them!  I want to lead, not follow!  The technique we use when Linda is leading me, is that I just take her elbow in my hand. This puts me about half a step behind so I can feel any vertical change such as steps etc. I have found myself on many occasions, actually trying to steer her by twisting my grip slightly! If I think we should be headed down this path to the left, I will subconsciously twist my grip to the left. It's not obvious and I don't think she even realizes, but it reflects the battle I am having with myself.   I am sure I have gradually improved this, but you would think after almost thirty years of practise, I should have it perfected by now. It's just not in my nature to allow someone else to be in control.  I know this is a real "first world" problem, and it's mine alone. It actually affects other areas of my life as well, this was just one of the easiest examples I could come up with. I continue to work on it and times like this remind me of the importance of practise.

Oh, just one little fun fact about hazards. In my opinion, these f?@+ing yellow caution signs are far more hazardous than any wet floor. I would like to get hold of the lawyer who decided they were a good idea!

This one made me smile.
" if everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough"
Mario Andretti

Love Holij