My Big Brother

I have many memories and many things to remind me of Peter.  Some of my memories are only stories of things that happened before my time…Ground Hog (not) in the tree springs to mind…, but I will leave it at that unless one of my siblings who was actually present wants to provide details.  I remember clearly the honest emotion in his voice when he thanked us (the younger half of his siblings) for a gift we had given him which he had mistakenly thought came from Mom and Dad.  I think it was the first time I seen a grown man cry, as Dad was very reserved and seemed to always maintain his composure.

Around the time he was first married, I remember many weekend afternoon visits at the farm, usually with Peter and Jonathan, and for a while the black lab, “Knicker” I think.  By this time I was 15 or 16, and he was certainly a role model to me.  I recall even back then that he would challenge me mentally with more mature conversation about any topic.  One time, he brought home a small Honda motorcycle to fart around with.  I have no idea where he got it, and he soon sold it to Terry.  I then bought it from him and it was with that bike that I got my driver’s license, one week exactly before I got my full G license with the car!  It is almost unbelievable to me now, within a month or so of my 16^th birthday, I possessed a full G and M drivers license.

Besides the bike, there are a number of other aspects of my life where I followed closely in his footsteps.  He was the first of us to take a Manpower sponsored maintenance program through College.  Terry was next, and then I took exactly the same course.  Most of you know that he was also my inspiration for participating in triathlon, and eventually competing in an Ironman with him.  I use the term competing loosely, because I was mostly just a finisher, while he competed!  I say that because in his age group, he actually competed very strongly, finishing 31^st of 237 guys.  This is a group of very fit men from all over the world.  Un-freakin-beleivable in itself, not to mention that was just a short time after his fight with cancer.  Having followed him into the sport, he became my coach and one of my biggest supporters.  I still remember receiving a call from him while on the ride home from my first tri.  He was already analyzing the results and sharing his insight with me.  As I started to get more and more into it, we spoke or messaged often, and I became the recipient of much of his generosity.  I still have the first running shirt he bought for me, at least two pairs of running shoes and many other supplies, the “things” I mentioned in my opening line.  All of these things pale in comparison to the mentoring, moral support, technical advice, comradery and even dieting advice that he shared with me over the last few years.

One of our recurring conversations centered on our parents.  Being the oldest boy among 12 children, I am sure the expectations for him were more pronounced, maybe almost as much as they would have been for Cory being the eldest.  I can remember recounting some situation involving Dad, and he would say to me “I think we had different fathers, because that’s not something that my dad ever said or did!”  I am sure that many of my older siblings probably felt the same way under certain circumstances.  In my mind, that is because Mom and Dad never stopped learning, and having a new kid to practice on every year or three, over a span of 18 years, made them very different parents by the time I was testing them.  Besides many other things, Peter definitely picked up on this desire to never stop learning.  He enjoyed learning about endurance, physical limits, physiology, psychology, people, anything technical, but mostly himself, which is equivalent to learning about life.  I probably shouldn’t use the word enjoyed, because I am certain there were lots of very unpleasant lessons in his lifetime, but he saw them for what they were and continued learning regardless.  I cherish all the conversations I had with him and even refer to them often, as many of them were via email or text. 

It has taken me some time to compose this, so much that it has been spread out over a number of days.  I really didn’t have a specific plan when I started out, but just a basic idea of what I wanted to say.  It is only after 3 or 4 days that it occurred to me that I am still following in his footsteps with this writing.  Yes, sometimes, I am a bit slow! 

This brings me to Peters “celebration of life”, which for me is exactly what it was.  Almost from the moment I arrived, at least after a quick trip to the urinal, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.  I still don’t completely understand why, but I know I am not going to fight it.  I saw and got hugs from a few close family and as I was taking this in, without warning, someone slipped in close and wrapped me in a warm embrace without me even realizing who it was.  After I figured out it was Roo, we shared a few words and a few tears, and Roo’s hugs are a wonderful reflection of the person she is.  Warm, open, honest and real!  It wasn’t long after that, I was standing watching some of the slide show and I happened to notice someone I have never seen before looking around a bit, and when she looked at me she did a double take.  That was the first of many such experiences throughout the afternoon, and I realized quickly that my resemblance to my brother was the reason for the double take.  It must have been strange for so many of the people who knew him, especially if they hadn’t seen him in a few years, to see him standing there at his own funeral party!  Besides spending a bit of time with my siblings, I also had the great pleasure to meet and speak with many of Pete’s old coworkers and friends.  There were a number of times, especially when I was with a group of his former coworkers, that I very strongly felt his presence.  I heard lots of stories about him and couldn’t help feeling that I was with old friends!  I made mention of feeling his closeness and I what I got from my new “old friends” was complete agreement.  Almost certainly, my familiarity both in looks and mannerisms, allowed others to share more than they might with any other complete stranger, even under such circumstances.  Perhaps, they may have even felt my sense of peace, but regardless, I am certain the conversations were mutually beneficial and I will hold on to each of those brief meetings as long as I can.  Don’t get me wrong, I will continue to miss him, but for some reason, my sense of peace remains.

As was always Pete’s habit with his blogs, I will end this with a quote and will do my best to follow its lesson.

“I need to contribute more to the world.” 

Peter W. Rooyakkers  (Dream On, Felt Compelled, Oct 23/15)

Love Holij